Jabu Mabuza says it’s YOUR fault. (Jabu Mabuza is the new chairman of South Africa’s power generating and distribution, State-Owned-Enterprise, ESKOM, and he says that we’re all to blame for the energy crisis the country is now in)
Yes, you, aunty doing your makeup in the rearview mirror in your car at the robots on Oxford street while the light turns orange again. And for non, glorious-revolutionary-post-1994-south-africa residents, a robot is not what you think it is, which is probably generally a true statement in any case, but more so in South Africa. In South Africa we call a traffic light a robot. No one knows why. And for all us glorious-revolutionary-post-1994-south-africa inmates, a “light” is a thing that magically shines when you supply it with a rare thing called “electricity”, for which you have already paid, but like an Apple TV, doesn’t come with remote, cables, or an actual TV. But I digress. Yes aunty. While you were there sitting wasting the green light, you caused the current electricity crisis.

And you, single father in Mitchells plain, with your Fetal Alcohol Syndrome child and a SASSA card that used to be your only lifeline in this fucked up life situation that neither you nor your child asked for. It’s your fault. But don’t worry, Bathabile Dlamini who looks alarmingly like a crash test dummy with makeup, only with less intelligence than an actual dummy, will pay back 20% of your grant. Oh hang on, she can’t. She can’t even afford 20% of her legal costs, and besides which she doesn’t actually remember screwing you over, and somehow, for our glorious revolutionary overlords that’s good enough to deploy her elsewhere in government where she’ll surely leave another trail of incompetence and wrecked lives. But I digress. Because both you, your child, and Bathabile are to blame.

Yes, you, little girl getting dressed for school in the dark again in Secunda with no hot water for 2 days. While Jabu’s 18 year old daughter drives to school in the Porsche her daddy bought her, you’ll be pleased to know that together with millions of other “normal” South Africans, you are responsible for the fact that Eskom can’t supply you with the electricity that your parents faithfully paid for. But then again, your politicized municipality hasn’t paid its ESKOM bill for years, so maybe it is actually your fault. But again, I digress.

Don’t worry, it only took Jabu 9 years to wake up and realise that showerhead Jacob Zuma was a crook and then say something about it, so we won’t have to wait long for something tangible and positive to happen, I’m sure. In the meantime, please, dear South Africans, stop doing whatever it was that caused Eskom to become the looted shell of a utility that it now is, so I can switch on my non-revolutionary wifi and post this.

Oh, and, nice hat, Jabu.

~ this post was written in response to this article

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